Under my Umbrella ella ella eh eh....

Fact: The word for umbrella in Amharic is jantella. In Spanish it is paraguas. In Japanese its kasa. In French its parapluie. If you would like to be as worldly as me just google "how to say umbrella in *language of choice.* "

I can honestly say I have never purchased an umbrella. For one thing: I'm not afraid of water. *One caveat to that is if my hair is done.* Because[water + fro = an even bigger fro.]

Also, I'm afraid of what my umbrella might say about me....laugh if you want but this is a serious dilemma. Being the only individual in the city of Austin without an umbrella I've been able to objectively deduce a theory. A person's umbrella reflects some fact about their personality, this fact can be better understood with analysis of color, shape, design, and logo on the umbrella.

For example:

• If your umbrella is beige, brown or tan you stole it from your grandparents.
• If it is clear -you are unique
• black -you are boring
• black with some design- you are classy
• grey- the store ran out of other colors
• cats (or really any animal) - you are over the age of 42
• a landscape and or city skyline - you're a communist or an architect
• polka-dots, ruffles, pink floral... other cutesy designs - your idol is Barbie
• expensive looking or custom made - talk to me so I can help you spend your money wisely
• parasol like- you drink a lot of tea
• If there is a bird on the handle- Mary Poppins is on your top ten favorite movies list
• An American flag- you have matching underwear
• classic multicolor panels - you grew up in the 90's

You can e-mail me at judgemebymyumbrella@ yahoo.com for further analysis of your specific umbrella type.

What a crazy-random-happenstance.

The MaryAnn Theory

FACT: Psychologically speaking, a theory is a set of propositions that attempt to explain the interrelationships among a set of variables.  Additionally, a theory is scientifically supported by several research studies that have found similar results.  Thus, my “MaryAnn Theory” is not really a theory, but rather a hypothesis (if even that).  For the sake of argument, however, (and the fact that “The MaryAnn Hypothesis” sounds awful), I will be referring to the present blurb as “The MaryAnn Theory.”  (Yes, I am still stuck in research paper mode).

            The MaryAnn Theory (not to be confused with the Mary-Sue Theory[1]) is an idea I’ve been developing over the past four-or-so years.  What the theory essentially boils down to is this: Individuals of a certain name (for safety reasons, I have changed the name to MaryAnn) are – how shall I put this delicately? – EVIL.  Alright, alright; that’s a bit much.  Let’s just put it this way: They’re not nice people.

            My first noteworthy encounter with a MaryAnn was back in kindergarten.  To put it bluntly, she was a bit of a bully.  I remember her making fun of my name – by calling me Reese’s Pieces – and just bossing me around.  When I was five, I was both a pushover and overly sensitive, and as a result, I cried a-lot~ when my feelings were hurt.  But I suppose this MaryAnn taught me to toughen up; and ironically enough, Reese’s Pieces has become my nickname.  Regardless, at this point in my life, I didn’t make an association between the name ‘MaryAnn’ and evilness.

            Now, flash-forward a couple of years, and crybaby Risa has become teenage, high school, “I rarely talk” Risa.

            It’s was my sophomore year in high school when the MaryAnn theory began to take shape.  My-unnamed-friend and I had been placed into the same morning class (finally), and it was in this class that I met the infamous MaryAnn.  Infamous MaryAnn had become friends with my-unnamed-friend the previous year through both church (I think) and some student club, so I had never met her before.  When my-unnamed-friend introduced her to me, I remember getting the impression that something was not right about her overtly-chipper smile.  Deciding to be the nice person that I am, I shrugged the feeling off.  I kind of wish I hadn’t.

            Things with this MaryAnn slowly went from alright to slightly intolerable to downright unbearable.  She seemed to have a dependency issue, as well as a need to step on people who weren’t as fortunate as her.  There were days where she would need my-unnamed-friend (and sometimes me, if I didn’t give off a ‘don’t talk to me’ vibe) to make her feel like a person of worth, or to help her with her homework (code for, “Can I copeee – I-I-I mean look at your homework?).  Then there were days where she would brag about all the cool junk that she had – Blackberry cell phones (a rarity in those days); Coach Purses; A BRANDNEW CAR for a 16 year old.  Following those days, it was not a surprise when MaryAnn would then complain about her parents, and how “they never let [her] do anything”.   I remember my-unnamed-friend telling me (as an excuse) that she only acted that way because her parents were having marital issues.  My rebuttal to that had been that although my home life had not been an ideal one when I was younger, I still didn’t act like a spoiled brat because of that and my status as the baby-in-the-family.  After a while, my-unnamed friend conceded defeat. 

            Eventually, Infamous MaryAnn started hanging out with people who talked vehemently behind her back.  She began drinking alcohol at parties.  And in those days, I hated alcohol and anyone associated with it.  That was kind of the final straw.

            For the rest of my high school years (and college years), there were quite a few MaryAnn’s that contributed to my theory:

•  There was Debate MaryAnn.  Debate MaryAnn was a member from an opposing debate team (surprise) who always seemed to one-up Meli with his speech that was more about histrionics then actual content.  This MaryAnn was also cocky.
•   Then, there was High School Cliché MaryAnn.  This MaryAnn was your stereotypical cheerleader/mean girl
•   Trouble MaryAnn was the ex-girlfriend of the boy who’s dating one of my best friends.  By extension, I have to not like her.
• Weird MaryAnn was a relatively quiet girl I lived with.  However, she was creepy as ****.  She had a habit of evilly giggling when it was quiet.  It freaked me out.  It’s always the quiet ones, after all. 
• Shower MaryAnn (get your heads out of the gutter, people) was a MaryAnn I lived with during my first year of college.  She loved to spend HOURS in the shower.  I fondly remember the night that I was studying for a really tough test.  By the time I was done studying for the night, it was 2 AM.  Shower MaryAnn had already been in the shower for a while, so I assumed she was done.  She was not.  She had been in the shower for 2 hours already.  WTH.  So I waited.  By the time I was done, it was 3 AM.  My test was at 8 AM.   Oh joy.  Also, this MaryAnn had an issue of “one-upping” people; if she asked you about your problems, she’d say how her problems were worse than yours.  Thanks a lot.

          And that is my MaryAnn theory.  Of course, there are exceptions to any theory or rule.  But, I still find this idea of mine to be absolutely fascinating.

          Now, then.  Back to my delusional, sleep-deprived world.  Peace.

---

[1] In which fangirls/fanboys insert themselves into the storyline of some media (e.g., TV shows, movies, videogames) in a pathetic attempt to make their lives better.  Admittedly, some fanfiction is good; just not Mary-Sue fanfiction.

Three in the Morning

Fact: “The Claw” is the part of a film camera that grabs the film by its sprocket holes and pulls it down to advance the film. It does this 24 times a second.

The most brilliant plans, theories, and philosophical insights grace human minds with their presence in the sleep deprived state around three in the morning. No drugs, alcohol, or special “brain food” required; simply staying awake with friends until the wee hours of the morning (sometimes until when the sun comes up the next day) somehow gets those “think outside the box”, creative juices flowing. The end result of these sleep deprived conversations is roughly 15% practical plans and ideas, 25% philosophical and serious conversation topics, and 60% absolute silliness.

Such Three in the Morning activities include*: muting a telenovela and re-dubbing it, having a serious conversation about how kids of future generations should read Harry Potter (all at once since they’re all published, or one book a year so the anticipation builds like it was when they were first published?), making detailed and elaborate travel plans, and embarking on artistic endeavors such as a comic book.

To enhance the educational value of a Three in the Morning, consult Wikipedia and link-hop articles for several hours with the occasional detour to Google Images. (I suggest starting with deep sea creatures. There’s some crazy and fascinating stuff living down there!)


*Nope, I’m not your cliche of a party animal college student. Can you tell?

Please Don't Sit Next to Me

Fact: The longest word in the English Language is, Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis except not exactly, click on the link to see why there are technically some exceptions. Silicosis for short, is an actual medical term used to describe a condition where volcanic ashes containing silicon dioxide infect a patient’s lungs and cause inflammation.

There are three things I absolutely can't stand about any given semester.

1.) Being in the crowded elevators and the awkward moments that ensue. For example: earlier this week I was in a rush and someone had just made it into the entrance and was running to the elevator as the doors were closing. Unfortunately for that girl she missed the lift but lucky for me I would be in class on time so I turn to the others in the elevator and I smirk (feeling accomplished), in fact, I’m so happy I say, "sucks for her” to which some guy responds “ I was going to hold it open for her but you were kinda in the way,” so I smile and shamefully finish my nine floors up.The awkwardness didn't stop there .... guess who sat next to me in class ...yup...and she even picked up my pen after I clumsily dropped it.

2.) The “melting pot” at this university makes for a great place to meet and mingle except when the pot is actually just one big ash tray. All I have to say to smokers is that I increase my life expectancy by 18 years by choosing NOT to smoke!

3.) Any weekday at the “Potspot” (my dorm whose actual name I won’t reveal for safety reasons) is a day for a party. Basically drinking is fair game anytime between noon and midnight, that’s right people, they aren’t even cool enough to wait until after midnight to get schwasty-faced or high. Which brings me to my great business proposal, inspired by none other then the weed wafting pot posers on my floor, who try and cover up the smell of burning nature by pouring vats of Febreeze or Lysol in and around their rooms. No matter how much they use I can still smell their leftovers, I feel that I could remedy this which is why my future is in the odor removal business. They mostly fear Dave our very laid back rent -a- cop who is actually an overgrown frat boy. I’m not sure if they have figured out that Dave has no power to arrest them and is actually only there so the dorm can put some use to the overpriced rent they charge by giving him a paycheck. Truth is the only way they can be caught is if someone calls the cops…ooo now there’s an idea.

New Semester Excitement!

Fact: The Sea Wasp jellyfish will kill you in four minutes unless you can avoid drowning from the paralysis its sting causes via harpoon tentacles, call one of the hospitals that has the anti-venom, and the ambulance comes in time to save you. Of course, if you’re a smaller person you’ve already got less than four minutes. Moral of the story: don’t go swimming off the northern coast of Australia.

I’m not being sarcastic when I title this post “New Semester Excitement!” This is the semester I’ve been most excited about! Before I ramble on about its awesomeness, I’ll get a few not so exciting things out of the way first. (Which are thankfully only range from very to mildly annoying.)

What’s not so great:

Textbooks depress me. This feeling is universal for college students. Textbooks are expensive, heavy, and the sell back price at the end of the semester is insultingly low. I could go on about my specific textbook annoyances this semester, but they basically boil down to the obscene cost they add up to.

Quiznos changed their sandwiches. Those who know me well know my love of sandwiches. I could easily eat sandwiches for lunch every day and be perfectly happy. I know all of the sandwich chains within easy walking distance of campus and frequent one so often the employees recognize me and my order; that restaurant is Quiznos. I wasn’t a fan of Quiznos before college, but it was so conveniently placed on campus that I found myself eating there a lot and now it’s one of my usual places. Sadly, this semester the unthinkable happened... they changed their sandwich (at least my usual turkey sandwich). I’ll go back sometime, but probably not as often as I used to.

Caffeine wants attention again. I’m not a coffee drinker. My caffeine intake is made up of Sweet Leaf iced tea and Frappachinos. Over the Christmas break I didn’t touch either and was fine, but I’m back on campus for a day and my body takes that as code for “make her super lethargic in the afternoon, even though today classes were only about going over the syllabus.” Evil. So, one Sweet Leaf later I’m back to my dependent state. Caffeine, like textbooks, is a fact of life for most students.

The combination of allergies and being exposed to thousands of people’s germs again. Last day of the first week was great, minus the whole trouble breathing/stuffed head/upset stomach thing. An annoying end to an otherwise great week back. Speaking of that great week...

What’s awesome:

Running into friends on campus is fun. Whether it’s a best friend or an acquaintance from that one class that one semester, it’s nice to see a friendly face on such a huge campus.

I love my job. It’s fun and I get paid. What more is there to say?

Squirrels. Everywhere! Another thing my friends know about me: I have a slight squirrel obsession. They’re adorable and whenever there’s one within sight I will almost certainly point it out, even if that means interrupting my train of thought. My squirrelly goals this semester are 1) feed a squirrel (I have been snubbed once. The rude squirrel will eat old french fries sitting outside Wendy’s, but he won’t take a bit of my granola bar for him?), and 2) see the albino squirrel on a day I have a test. I have seen the elusive and mystical creature once, but I need to see it on a test day to be able to use its powers.

My schedule rocks. I have Fridays off! Sure, my schedule is pretty tight during the week, but I’ve got a three day weekend for homework, projects, sleep, and socializing.

Upper division film classes are amazing! I took my last intro level film classes last semester, which weren’t as challenging or intense as I would have liked. Thankfully, I’m incredibly psyched for this semester! My professors all seem really into their subjects and there are some amazing projects lined up. I love how the classes are structured; it’s all about perfecting the craft and hands on work. I’ve been told by some people that I’m killing myself by taking this combination of classes in one semester, but I know I can handle it. And hey, if this semester film eats my life, so be it!

*Insert Generic New Semester Post Here*

FACT: In the amount of time it takes you to read this post, 7.8 billion mosquitoes will hatch.  Only 65,000 will be swatted by humans.  If you believe this, then I've got some ocean front property in Arizona that I'd like to sell.

It’s the start of a new semester, which means new adventures and troubles are lurking in the shadows, waiting to pounce unannounced like that unfortunate stalker boy who can’t take a hint. Regardless, in my mind, a new semester equates to that of a New Year, – whether you get a new haircut/style; some new (or renewed) goals and ambitions; or a better sense of self – it’s essentially a fresh start.  However, with every new adventure, there are both pros and cons.

The Pros

5) I’m finally getting off my lazy bum and being productive.  Seriously, I spent the whole break catching up on sleep and watching TV.  Now, I have a schedule which tells me when to work and when to be lazy.  It’s nice.  

4) My social life increases exponentially when I’m back at school.  Due to my lack of car, I don’t get to hang out with my hometown friends as much as I would like, and am therefore usually stuck with the family (like on break).  At school however, where I am forced to live amongst my peers and friends, I get to hang out with them whenever I want.  It.  Rocks.

3) It sounds nerdy (because I am nerdy), but I get my education on.  I’ve always believed that knowledge is power, so it feels enlightening to learn and master new areas of interest.

2) New classes mean new professors and classmates.  I can now incorporate knowledge and insight that I have gained from previous classes into my new classes.  Hopefully, I can earn some more of those illusive A’s!

1) I am finally reunited with my suite-mates, whom I love dearly.  They are my third family.  And I have never been so grateful for a group of people in my life.  *insert more gooey-ness here*

The Cons

5) I pretty much had to offer my unborn child to pay for this semester’s tuition and books.  That would be my fourth unborn child since I’ve become a college student.

4) I will never find a boyfriend here.  To quote one of my suite-mates, “Here at SU, you never know if a boy is checking you out because he thinks you’re cute or if he likes your outfit.”  Seriously.  People always think that I’m kidding, but I’m NOT! The female population at this school can attest to that.

3) It might be the Commons food talking, but I will once again get that awful feeling in the pit of my stomach when I finish my work for the day, and then realize there’s other work that I should be working on.  This always happens to me even though the other work that I’m referring to usually isn’t due for a couple of days, if not weeks. The feeling is especially prominent when I’m in research paper mode. Not cool.

2) The Return of the Coffee Addiction:  I will be killing my kidneys (once again) with the massive amounts of coffee that I can drink, especially during all nighters.  If my kidneys could talk, they’d say “f*** you, b****” in a high, squeaky voice. With a Russian accent.  Seriously, I can drink like four or more cups in one sitting and not feel jittery. 

1) Awkward encounters with drunken, fellow students are likely to occur.  Awkwardness will be felt, people will awake the next day wondering just what the heck they did do the previous night, and I will have material for future stories.

Groovy Jellyfish

Welcome to our blog, Oh Snap!  Its creation happened one night after we went clubbin’! There was no alcohol involved in that situation/decision whatsoever.  In fact, there are only three possible outcomes when clubbin’ – pregnancy, STD’s, or making-a-blog-when-you-are-sleep-deprived-at-5-in-the-morning.  Since we weren’t drunk for the first two options, we had to start a blog. 

So, what exactly is our blog about?  Collectively, our blog is about the Busy Lives of Gangstas.  Word up, G. 

Okay, okay, not really. 

Realistically, our blog is about the randomness, awkwardness, and misadventures that we, the creators of Oh Snap!, have gone and will go through during our college years.  Stories will involve real life scenarios, inner musings, and maybe even completely made-up accounts.  Who knows?  So sit back, grab some popcorn, and enjoy the wonderfulness that is Oh Snap!

Quick Intros from the Authors

Melissa – Filmmaker, student, Quidditch player, and the geekiest of the blog authors. I would totally be a lightsaber-wielding hobbit of the noble house of Ravenclaw if I could! (By the way- where’s my letter, Hogwarts?) I have big dreams of being an independent film director/writer, I balance school/work/a social life like your average college student, and sometimes I act like a kid (nerf gun battle, anyone?).

Deborah – I like the simple things in life: blood, lacerations, extra limbs, genetics and unnecessarily long medical terms. Unconventional I know but what is even weirder is my love of facial expressions, my favorite being the face we all make right before we sneeze. It's priceless!

Risa – Deep beneath the outer visage of a girl with a smirk lays a girl with an even bigger smirk and the added bonus of sarcastic/witty comments. Enemies beware.  But, seriously. I read. I write.  I do a lot of research.  And, I sleep.  I play tennis.  I party.  And yet, I still act like a kid.  I am a How I Met Your Mother addict.  I recently got one of those animal pillows shaped like a ladybug, and I could not be more ecstatic.